In the Unitarian-Universalist Songbook there is a wonderful passage;
We come together this morning to remind one another to rest for a moment at the forming edge of our lives, to resist the headlong tumble into the next moment, until we claim for ourselves awareness and gratitude, taking the time to look into one another's faces and see there communion; the reflection of our own eyes. This house of laughter and silence, memory and hope, is hallowed by our presence together. - Kathleen McTique
These beautiful words resonate well with the primary purpose for being an Ethical Society; to be a place where the worth and dignity of all are upheld and affirmed. An important part of this process is to take time being "present" for one another. Humans often allow past experiences arising from earlier encounters with others to cloud our judgment. We come to expect certain behaviors and opinions from our friends. We remember a hurtful experience we had with a neighbor that colors all future encounters. We immediately raise our guard around some, and expect nothing but warmth and kindness from our companions. The truth of the matter, however, is that humans are so dynamic and changing, we really don't encounter the same person twice.
This makes reasonable sense when you look at past pictures of yourself from your youth. You may remember a certain brash style or youthful optimism at age 15 that evolves into a certain need for stability after the birth of your first child. You were preoccupied with an entirely different set of circumstances or had different dreams at age 12 than at middle age. In addition, we change not only year to year (if but subtlety so as not to seem to change at all), but we are often different people depending upon context. I may seem laid back and calm around certain personality types, but can become quite agitated and defensive around others. Psychologist Walter Mischel believes that the human mind has a type of "reducing valve" that "creates and maintains the perception of continuity even in the face of perceptual observed changes in actual behavior." In short, we form opinions based on an encounter with another and we tend to think of people that way from then on out. It's a type of shorthand that makes it easier for dealing with others and creating some form of conformity within a changing world. As Malcolm Gladwell points out in "The Tipping Point," the "reason that most of us seem to have a consistent character is that most of us are really good at controlling our environment." But place us in a different environment, and we seem to become different people. We don't need any more proof of this than looking at the behavior of our soldiers at Abu Gharib prison. Most of their family and friends were shocked by this kind of behavior...but of course, this isn't the kind of situation that most of these young people would ever have imagined themselves in.
It's a difficult prospect, but I think encountering each other anew is possible, if we but acknowledge that we too change and that we too are different depending on the situation. It takes a type of letting go, and an awareness that emerges after looking into each other's faces. This is what we do when we're in love; we study each other's faces noting their smiles and frowns, and we watch them daydream. Over time, we stop looking up - and something is lost.
To echo McTigue, let us resist the tumble into the next moment until we can be present in this one, with each other, with the world around us, and with ourselves. I want to wish all of you a very happy and meaningful summer. I hope you discover a new you these lazy few months ahead, and that we return this fall not as preconceived notions of each other, but as humans filled with stories and hopes. Dream often, laugh hard, let go, wear a new dress or hat, pick wildflowers, take a risk, take a stand, forgive, express gratitude, ask questions, be spontaneous, be silly, do some good, and return to us this fall - not as I think you are - but as the person you have always wanted to become - and remember......we are all very "becoming."
Peace to your home,
Curt Collier, Leader